What makes a good shortcut?
With the fourteenth biennial Shortcut Blitz just around the corner, many of you have been asking for clarity on what constitutes a good shortcut.
Tickets for the Blitz will go on sale between 5 hours and 2 days after the Blitz, depending on the organisers shortcuts.
The essentials of short-cutting
Any good shortcut should satisfy at least two of the three principles of time wasting:
- require vastly more energy
- take at least twice as long
- be needlessly dangerous
Satisfy all three and you know you’ve got a good shortcut on your hands.
But even if your shortcut is struggling to live up to it’s potential, it may yet be salvaged. Style points are allotted based on a parallel set of criteria:
- Running out of water
- Accidentally crossing into another country
- Being separated from your companions for several hours
- Bonus points may also be awarded — at the judges discretion — for any loss of equipment occurring as a result of a shortcut.
- If you’re still struggling, the wilful addition of exposure, as might arise during an impromptu bouldering session, will be warmly received by the judges, especially if the foray should prove fruitless and you be forced to retreat back across the same exposure
NOTE For legal reasons we are not allowed to award points to any shortcut that results in death or permanent injury.
Unfortunately, if your shortcut doesn’t meet the above criteria, you’re probably best off keeping to marked trails, or perhaps even staying home, and merely hearing about the exciting, albeit short, lives of serious short-cutters.
It is unusual, but certainly not unheard of, for a shortcut to lead to your arriving sooner than if you hadn’t taken the shortcut. Needless to say, if this occurs, you will be immediately disqualified from this as well as all future events organised by the Legion of Short-cutters and Trailblazers (L.O.S.T).
We can’t wait to see you all at the 2024 Shortcut Blitz! (though we recognise we may have to)
ADVISORY The above memo has been roundly dismissed by the majority of the members of this council, and is ratified by only one member, a delinquent member at that, SJ. Adherents to any of the above principles are invited to claim their Darwin Award at their leisure. L.O.S.T does not accept liability for anything, under any circumstances.
