For a long time I couldn’t understand what had happened to me. I thought to myself: “I don’t judge people; I don’t have evil thoughts; I do my obediences faithfully; I fast; I pray without ceasing – why then do devils frequent me? I see I’m in error but can’t fathom where. I say my prayers, and the devils go away for a while, but then they come back.” For a long time my soul stayed in this struggle. I spoke about it to some of the elders. They kept silent and I remained at a loss.

Then one night I was sitting in my cell when suddenly it was filled with devils. I started to pray fervently, and the Lord drove them away, but they came back again. Then I got to my feet ready to bow before the icons, with devils all round me and one of them standing out in front so that I couldn’t bow down before the icons without appearing to be bowing to him. I sat down again and said: “Lord, you see that I desire to pray to you with a single mind, but the devils won’t let me. Tell me what I have do to make them leave me.” And in my soul came the Lord’s reply: “The proud always suffer like this from devils.”

“Lord,” I said, “You’re merciful. My soul knows you. Tell me what I must do to make my soul humble.” And the Lord answered in my soul: “Keep your mind in hell and don’t despair.”

Oh the mercy of God! I’m loathsome before God and before people, and yet the Lord loves me, grants me understanding, heals me and himself teaches my soul humility and love, patience and obedience, and has poured out the fullness of his mercy upon me.

— Archimandrite Sophrony, Saint Silouan the Athonite, St. Vladimir’s Seminary Press, 1999 (via)